The dilemma

I’ve not made the best of starts in training for our grand sports challenge. Its only the middle of September and I go and get a cold/horrifically debilitating bout of man flu that’s prevented me from doing pretty much any form of exercise (though all the sneezing has given my intercostal muscles a good work out I suppose). I can’t really say that I’ve done much organising or structuring of my fitness regime either; so far I’ve read a few copies of Shortlist magazine. Unfortunately for every well intentioned article on health and fitness there are three advocating the mass consumption of meat and beer.

Which links nicely to my current dilemma, a quandary that has been gnawing away at the back of my brain for the past few weeks, like a mischievous little hamster. In it’s simplest terms; do I get fit or get fat? To put this into context you have to understand that at the time of typing this I am Sealand’s only recognised front row forward (I played youth rugby for about a decade before academia and earning a wage got in the way). A position I last played when I was 17 years old and weighed 18 stone. Just under 10 years on and 5 stone lighter I’m not so confident I’ll be able to compete with the big boys. I can’t take all the credit for my weight loss either with three poverty stricken years at university (at which time my dilemma was whether to eat or drink as I couldn’t afford both, with a predictable victory for the alcohol) taking on the brunt of the work.

So now with experience but not body shape on my side I’m torn between getting as fit as possible so I can shift around the park and make it to every break down (even if I get pummelled upon arrival) and using all the wonders of man made processed foods to bulk up and put a bit of weight in to each tackle (if I’m able to catch anyone). It’s the classic moral dilemma of good versus evil; abstinence, dedication and hard work on the one side, a tempting world of fried chicken, kebabs and generalised gluttony on the other. I know which sounds the more fun to me.

Setting the scene

Inspired by the heroics of many of our sporting idols over the past year, a group of friends from the south east of England (two of whom happen to be princes of the world’s smallest nation - The Principality of Sealand) decided to embark upon a grand tour to raise money for Sports Relief. Buoyed by the successes of events such as the 2012 Olympics, the Ryder cup, the 2013 Ashes, the Lions tour and various football championships, an itinerary of 5 sports, to be played in 5 countries over 5 days of the Sports relief weekend (March 18^th-22^nd) was declared. The plan is:

 Rugby in England

 Handball in France

 Golf in Belgium

 Football in Germany

 and Cricket in Holland.

Sealand’s own story is that of the underdog, the little guy remaining resolute in the face of adversity. A second world war Maunsell sea fort off the Suffolk coast, ‘liberated’ by the Bates family in the 1960s, Sealand had already formed it’s own football team and played a handful of games against other non-FIFA affiliated sides. Through a number of, not at all pub centric, negotiations it was agreed that we could represent the tiny island nation in the various sports to hopefully pique public interest and raise shed loads of money for charity.

In charge of this rag-tag group of sporting hopefuls is one Simon Barnes. Barnes’ own motivations for organising the tour remain shrouded in mystery, though are likely to include the desire to make up for the abject failure of our Sunday league team in the previous season. The convenience of having a sporting weekend away with friends so close to his birthday probably doesn’t hurt either.

As for myself, other than pure altruism and the desire to help all those in need, my inspiration is the prestige of earning an international rugby cap (the only sport in which I’m likely to feature) and the chance, however slim, of putting one over on the cheese eating surrender monkeys at their own sport in their own back yard.

So as we currently stand, a group of about 30 men, with 6 months to prepare for 5 days of sporting mayhem. This blog will endeavour to chronicle the many challenges we’ll face; from the battles of personal fitness regimes to the hunt for teams crazy enough to actually take part in the fixtures. All in the name of charity, of course.